ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
