Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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