Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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