Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
