Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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