you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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