No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All the doctor said was why
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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