I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
