I want to walk on stilts...naked
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
