ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This baby is an asshole
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
