I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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