he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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