what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
