We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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