I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize