I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
