Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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