Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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