You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
