i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
