Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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