I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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