You smell like stripper and shame
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
