My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
