We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize