That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
