Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
