The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
