You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize