her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
