it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
