Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
