I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She even gives head with a lisp.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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