And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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