Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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