physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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