I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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