Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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