Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
