Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
