Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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