you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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