they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They are going to name an STD after you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
