I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
