so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize