i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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