She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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