'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
