I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
