I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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