Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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