tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
