Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I could make wine with my vomit
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
