seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
