I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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