I'm jealous of your bromance
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
