Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
