My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
