I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
