Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You're like the curious george of whores
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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