i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My pussy is not your playground.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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