dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
