I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
