Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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