so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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