I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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