Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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