"it" just moved
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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