the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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